ridiculously consuming love

one part of my life-the love part, has actually gone haywire over the years. there were many downpours,which left a preety gruesome spot at first. then came the practical love,which i held on to for as long as i can replenish my disneyland fantasy kind of love. but that didn't work out, so i randonmly choose my opposite type whom im sure at that time we could work something through. when that didn't work out as well, i merely left my love-marathon and sit on the banks while others keep on their jogs. im not giving up, im just resting. and have a little of this..little of that. i have had my fun, so i guess i should give it a break. but what people always said is true, when u stop looking for it-it could come to you. and now, eventhough im not sure its the right love, the right moment or the right person,im happy that i have found what i wanted. not a disneyland fantasy kind of love. not a practical one either. but a ridiculously consuming one, an irresistible combination of the two in one small,fulfilling bowl soup :)

Mohamad Firdaus Hadzwan bin Mohd Noor Beg. i didn't know when it actually happen, but when it did-whamp!. we never knew each that well, just as far as we knew each other existed. LOL..he was my school senior, and we only ever communicate through friendster, which was very seldomn too. then i never heard a word from him, not until i started having my Yahoo Messenger account. then i remenbered that he once asked me to add him into my account-he said he wants to be the first one. i see no harm in honouring him, so i sent him my address. and that night, until as long as i can remember, we were chatting like a full-speed train ride. he would be the first one who pops me up. i would be the first one who dolls him over.

we had a game going on for a while, and we were very much close and open to each other. one day, when we were playing our "honest" game(we had it in a different name, but to reveal it here requires a lot of dignity) he told me that he could fall in love with me and asked me what i think about that. i was not shocked though, in fact, i thought he was just humouring me. then he got serious. i didn't think much at that time. to be honest, it was quite appealing to me that we were not wasting time there hahahahaa :) so i guess, why not?. after that, we exchanged phone numbers and started text-messaging. it was me who made the first phone call. u can say i was a tad too bold at that time. it was midnight-what a romance wack! strangely, i didn't goof around like i used to,pretending to take it slow or play hard to get. it was a casual,free and no-hide kind of talking. and boy did he made me laugh. we were on the phone for hours.

this has been going on for a month. when i got my offer to UM, our acquintance became more constant. then he said he wanted to come to see me. i wasn't prepared for that. ironically, my previous relationships never lasted long enough for any sort of dates. but since we never really had anything serious, i had nothing to freak out-yet. so we went on a date. i always thought a date would be daunting,especially if its the first one. but it felt so...normal. funnily enough, i didn't get all those ticklish and tremblish feelings. my feet was completely on the ground and i felt so peaceful. i didn't think that was love, but im perfectly sure he was the right one. i know he had it coming on him for a while-he's been dropping hints. then, because i figured it was pointless to wait anymore, a month being too short that i barely know him but i didn't really got around to consider that kind of thing anymore, i asked him my own 100 million dollars worth of a question.

"don't u want to ask me to be ur girlfriend?"

"i'm still choosing the right words and the right moment"

"ask me now, then"

he asked, i accepted. the rest was history. a long lasting piece of history chalked in mind. to me, it was never love. but i have loved him dearly and wholly as i never did to anyone. it was by far the most consuming love i ever had. it was realistic love. it was magic.

now that we have been seeing each other for 5 months, our chemistry had developed and i can say we have very much to serve in one plate. he is nothing like what i think he was. he had that much care and attention, and that much he showed to me. i guessed we both had had enough of sparkling love and was seeking for something more of a steel apart from diamonds. he had his goals, and i can see that his serious. serious enough to meet the people who meant the most to me and set a new space with him in the picture. serious enough to spill manly tears on a sulky me. serious enough to rush over even on a bus because i said i was alone. serious enough to treat me with small gifts. serious enough to let me bully him around. serious enough to never let me down.

if i had anything i can regret today, it would be not having all these experiences when i had met love for the first time. i guess i was too naive. i didn't get to treat anybody the way i did him. i didn't know how to, but i wasn't concerned of that. i guess i would regret even more if the first person whom i never put up this kind of smile, laughter,sweet talks and small sacrifices, wasn't him. i have loved to the point of madness that was not worth it but in him, i am still very much protectively mad in the head (he had to answer my phone calls every day as consequences though i think he kinds of like them). as ridiculously consuming as it sounds, we grew solid of each other.

when i found you, i found love. thank you amigas~