when I live in a dollhouse, I want to have poodles and chi-chi

Hai Semua!

Tadi saya pergi shopping, tak jauh pun tempat tu dekat saje. Tapi sepanjang perjalanan, saya merengek-rengek macam kucing hilang anak, kucing tu pun takut dengar saya merengek bajet lah saya ni anak dia ke apa taulah mata dah samee. Ehh, hajat hati nak pergi shopping dekat Queensbay Mall ke dekat Gurney Plaza ke paling tak pun, dekat Sunway Carnival Mall tapi apakan daya, driver yang bawak saya tu pemalas nak pergi jauh-jauh maka kami ke Tesco Bukit Mertajam saja T_T

Nilah dia driver yang pemalas tu. Siap himpit orang lagi, euuw.

Oh ye, tujuan kami pergi shopping ni sebabnya nak mencari baju baru untuk saya pakai sempena Raya Haji/Hari Lahir 1st saya yang akan datang. Macam manalah agaknya perasaan nak sambut perayaan ni kan, saya teruja nak tau.

Seronok juga shopping-shopping macam ni, saya boleh duduk dalam trolley ni tersengih-sengih dekat orang lepas tu sambung merengek lagi untuk dapatkan attention, sambil kakak dan mak tolak trolley weeeee sukenya kan best kalau kat rumah ada benda ni, boleh main hari-hari TAK SUSAHKAN KAKAK KENA BAWAK MAIN DEKAT TAMAN TIAP-TIAP PETANG. Oh ya, kalau nak tau benda yang saya pegang tu, sebenarnya seluar yang kakak taknak belikan pun tapi sebab nak suruh saya shadap, kakak ambil seluar ni dari rak and bagi saya main. Sekarang, saya tak nak lepaskan pulak dah seluar ni maka kesimpulannya seluar ini harus dibeli dan dibayar heh heh heh evil kan saya gelak heh heh heh.

Dan ini adalah deretan baju-baju yang dipilih oleh kakak saya untuk majlis hari jadi saya nanti. Tengok dia, tak habis-habis nak curi spotlight saya. Tak apa, kita biarkan saja lepas ni sambung cerita balik.


Tapi sebelum tu saya suka buat inventori dulu nak tengok kalau-kalau saya suka ke tak baju-baju yang dipilih. Saya rasa, taste saya lebih boleh dipercayai daripada taste kakak.

Okay, done. Dan itu seluar yang saya takkan lepaskan. Dah, sekarang boleh pergi bayar.
Bai Semua.

Yang ini dasar kakak jealous, sanggup upload gambar rambut pokok kelapa saya dalam ni cissss!

I believe, I have boobs and brain for a reason.

Masih lagi berkenaan post saya tentang marriage di bawah ini.

Sebentar tadi, saya bermesej-mesejan dengan buah hati pengarang jantung, sekarang ni sehari hanya 4,5 kali saje contact sebab dia sibuk dengan exam and dah final year la katakan. Sabar hati, tinggal berapa bulan saja lagi nak berjauhan heppp jangan gedik hati, nah ambik mainan ni pergi main sana jauh-jauh T_T

Saya: Have you read my blog, about the post that I made yesterday?
Dia: Ohdaaa. Dah comment dah pun pagi tadi.
Saya: Sedih kan?
Dia: :(
Saya: Nak tau tak, kalau saya jadi perempuan tu, saya akan ikut cakap lelaki tu nak divorce, ambil semua harta yang dia nak kasi, pergi ubat penyakit cancer tu (Insyallah, kalau boleh diubati), sihat semula dan cantik semula, bina kehidupan baru, and see if that guy will come crawling back to her and their son.
Dia: Hehe. Banyak cara lagi sayang. Lain orang lain cerita hidup dia. Cuma jalan yang kita pilih tu betul ke tak.
Saya: I know, that's her choice. Cuma entahlah, saya tau perempuan mampu tanggung semua. Cuma saya tak suka seseorang perempuan tu asyik-asyik dia yang kena berkorban. Saya suka kalau perempuan itu, sayang kan diri dia sendiri dulu, dengan cara itu, dia mampu sayang orang lain. Perempuan itu kan Indah?

Bunyinya macam saya feminis sungguh kan? Macam, kalau zaman-zaman Jepun menjajah Tanah Melayu dulu, mesti saya antara perempuan yang sikit nak pegang senjata pergi buat serang hendap jugak dekat Port Jepun. Ececeeh, perumpamaan tak boleh blah.

Apa-apa pun, itu pendapat saya saja. Saya tak salahkan perempuan dalam cerita di bawah ni sebab pilih jalan macam tu, maybe dengan cara tu si lelaki/suami dia akan lebih-lebih lagi menghargai and tau dah yang lepas ni sampai ke tua bongkok tiga pun dia takkan dapat perempuan lain sebaik isteri dia tu. Cuma kalau saya, mungkin saya pilih jalan yang berbeza, who knows? :)

and they gave up

Just something I thought worth showing

MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you.

She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth.

But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question.

This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage.

But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces.

The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release.

The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing.

I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible.

Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy.

Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain.

From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse.

I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again.

I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger.

I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway.

Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce.

My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage! If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you. If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

you can come back when you want my extra luvin'

Saya sendiri tak tau nak tulis entri pasal apa kali ni. Nak cerita pasal hidup, tak menarik sangat lah hidup sekarang ni. Kerjanya online 24/7, sakat adik sampai nangis, tengok Oprah Show, CSI and Criminal Minds sebab banyak miss, and makan. So, when we're in doubt, lets ramble and rant everything though they aren't connected.

1) Saya dah kembali suka pakai pensel eyeliner dah. I mean, for the upper lash line and in my tight line. Last time saya pakai dekat lower lash line saja. Tapi sekarang, saya dah jatuh cinta kembali. Saya suka Maybeline Smudge Liner yang saya baru beli tu. Dan mungkin akan keluar beli saploh-doploh batang lagi.

2) Sekarang tak pakai lipstick dah. Pakai Vaseline, lip liner dengan lip gloss je. Pakai Vaseline dulu taknak bibir merekah kan? Lepas tu, lip liner tu smudge and smear kan dekat bibir macam lipstick jugak. Last, sapu lipgloss yang sesuai. Satu tips yang berguna kalau kita tak jumpa the right lip color to wear during the day/night.

3) Bercakap pasal Vaseline, ramai yang dah tau yang benda alah petroleum jelly ni sesuai untuk sapu dekat kawasan yang kasar. Bukan kawasan jalan raya yang tak berturap lagi tu memang lah kasar, ni kawasan bodayyy ehh body. Kira macam pengganti lotion pun boleh ni. Rub it on lips to prevent chapped lips. Rub it on the elbow to prevent roughness. Not just that, you can also use it as an eye makeup remover, and you can rub it in your lashes to make them grow thicker and rub it in your eye brows to also make them grow thicker. Hoh. Apa lagi, capai Vaseline tu sekarang!

Vaseline, kau penyeri hidup kami.

4) Haa. Ada lagi tips yang nak dikongsi. Yang ini tips untuk tak kasi makan banyak/jaga makan. Bukanlah saya ni jenis yang jaga makan sangat, Subway tu kalau boleh seminggu tiga empat kali nak visit kan. Tapi kalau saya makan nasi berlauk, saya suka makan dalam kuantiti yang kecil. Macam contoh, sayur kailan ikan masin tu satu keping, potong kan dia jadi empat keping yang lebih kecik lagi lepas tu makan dengan nasi. Maka suapan kita pun akan jadi makin kecil. Kuantiti makanan yang diambil pun jadi semakin kecil. Harga pun jadi semakin kecil. Wah, anda mampu mengubahnya.

5) Masih lagi dalam topik makanan, paling penting mesti makan breakfast setiap pagi. Yang ini memang amalan saya dari kecik . Biarlah lunch/dinner tak makan pun, yang penting bila bangun pagi mesti cari makanan dulu. Penting ni bagi saya, especially kalau pagi tu kelas Land Law/Contstitutional Law pukul 8am. Ataupun kalau lecture straight sampai pukul 12pm, baru boleh makan. Nanti dalam kelas, mengantuk/ tak boleh concentrate/tak boleh salin nota. Jadi, tidak boleh tidak, mesti makan breakfast. Biarpun secucuk nugget RM1 dengan air masak.


Okay, sampai sini saja. Bai semua, selimut bantal dah memanggil.

can't stop, won't stop, i must be dreaming

Jyeaah baby, that's what I'm here for.