kawan-kawan

apa nak dikatakan lagi, nilah akibatnya orang yang x suke cuti lama2 and lebih sayangkan hidup kampus.hehee :) what more can be expected when u love what ur doing now, and totally more in love with ur friends yg memang all-around supportive and very very hard-to-handle.hehee sorry kawan-kawan..dis is for u guys..hope everyone suke, including yang tengah bace post nie ya!

cuti masih lagi berbaki-4 hari sebelum kuliah bermula, sebelum kaki jadi laju berjalan (sumtimes i need to run in heels!yike!), sebelum mata jadi berat nk mengadap buku2 tebal and sebelum mulut kata "malasnyeeeee". yeah, i've decided to return early.haha not no kill myself with al the early expectations of study buzz i want to come and support my friends who were involved in a debate torrnement. i pity them because they didn't have their holiday treats as they had to work on the debate.

*Nur Munirah bt Abu Bakar * Nurul Adeline bt Zainuddin*

yeap.my two very best friends here in UM. can't imagine my life without them. the first is very artist-looking but very firm and a tad too sharp with the words (ouch) who turns out to be very playful and helpful.she help with bigger issues of me, seriously.hahaa. the second is chubby but pretty in her own stylish ways whooo..hehee but a little miss sensitive.she can cry more than the rest of us put together.and yeah, she's the person to turn to..:)

so i think, why not i come early to support them. truthfully, i didn't help much. they were busy, but i enjoy their companies and they were really great doing their debate thingy thing.:) along with them were my two other coursemates, good friends too Azzairi and Daus.it was scary yet fun seeing them.i'd say, it's a fine pay to watch others debate for a change.heheeee.i even stayed with them one night, comforting one of my friends..sabar ey Sarah..xde sape jd sangat2 hebat berdebat overnite je.im sure u can go far.

on the semi final day, my other two good friends came.nice to have someone to clap along the match instead of me alone sitting and fidgeting, unsure whether it is really appropriate to applause.thanks Aween and Ayie.opps..not forgetting Ara, my bestmate when i did my law foundation in uitm..she came (actually i drag her, but she follows happily). i had two wonderful days with her.we went to watch Bedtime Stories which got me laughing and laughing throughout the movie.we talked.we laughed.we sort things out in the end.thanks for being there for me Ara even when i know u need me more than i do right now.and i got to know Paan, and the four of us went and blast ourselves silly in One Utama.hahahaa people, i rase kita berempat kuat gle2 gelak kat Old Town.all the customers and the waiters were watching taw!

emm..but in the end, maybe bukan rezeki UM untuk ke final koot..nevermind.smile smile.semua dah buat yang terbaik and nobody got nothing to regret.tahniah pada Azzairi sebab dapat best speaker keseluruhan debat.

owh yeah, not forgetting my other friend, Zah, yang birthdaynye smalam(pada masa post ini ditulis).me, ayie and ara got u something taw.so u better love us more.:)

honestly, from the bottom of my heart, i wouldn't change what i have now for anything, not even for my unfinished and unsettled past. i wouldn't put it past deline's infectious laugh and ayie's tenderness.i don't want to miss a thing now.thanks for being my friends.i want u guys to know that i appreciate every moment, even when its not there :) mucha cicas~

its all in the heart

time is always at essence even as we speak. i was so preoccupied with work that i didn't notice its the 3rd week already. my work has been jumbled up. i was always struggling to meet my tutorials and almost always (i try not to be so judgmental here) had to complete my work in a hassle. all in all, it was not so bright on my academic performance, but i have liven up through a lot since that.



quite a lot throughout 7 months in UM.quite a lot...owh yeah, the campus election :).if i had to describe what i had been through the last week, i would say this-EVERYTHING.it was painful,daunting,tormenting,injurous. it was appealing, satisfying,pleasing,breathtaking.it had violated a handful of stands in the Good Of Heart Code Book, yet it healed all the same.







what really happened, nobody knows. even i missed out on vital points.everything was operated secretively, hushed up.so naturally, nasty rumours spread around.everyone, no matter how much u try to avoid it, would be drawn to it.everyone had, or would take sides.each sides were like two very different nations of war. everyone paraded more than just banners and posters and flyers.candidates oh my, some of them are very very bold.even when restricted, they could climbed on a chair and gave a speech away,even.the security were on the go as they never been before, for the mahasiswa and mahasiswi had gone up and showed more than the university rules could handle.the effect of one week was tremendous.





i guess i could not speak as much as i would like to, not even here.i don't dare to open up old wounds, not when the new ones are about to heal (or if there are any other broken pieces out there that i did not know, i'm sorry).and in any case, even if i was daring enough, i wouldn't do it.the price is just too... :p i've been there and experienced it first hand.i admit, it wasn't a fancy sight.but here is what i wanted to say,and i could say it. at least, i'm allowed some room in this space without people picking and pointing things out.





i know politics as much as i know how to match fabrics and colors and lining for my room curtains. however however, truth be told..seriously and honestly..cross my heart and search my soal, my involvement has never been outside the limit of helping a friend.a friend i know who has this dream, not to change the surroundings we had today, but to inject a little difference. a friend whom i know very well(da berkawan sangat2 baek utk 2 tahun) and i know her potentials and how well hidden they are. but most importantly, s friend who i know that without me,she would have no one else to back her up, for her to lean in and that i am all she got.



people say that u will get to see your friends true colours when the worst has come to you. i think this is the best situation to describe it. in the end, i've learnt that it is not the matter of how many friends you got smiling and laughing woth u throughout your days, but how many friends who can in turn make u smile and laugh and bring u back to your happy days. it doesn't matter if there were only a very very few among your friends who can fall into that category, because then u will know who will be the ones helping u through thick and thins and who will be dragging u back instead (ini sangat2 suke aku ucapkan pada kawan aku yang dibantu itu bila kami hampir putus harapan).



anyone who read this would know that i have a lot more to say, but they know better. ape yang penting di sini,kita semua sebenarnya sama, berdiri pada platform yang sama dan berpegang pada prinsip yang serupa.yang membezakan cume pengaplikasian kita pada kedua-dua normaliti tersebut.ada sesetengah orang yang sangat hardcore menjalani satu-satu aplikasi sementara sebilangan besar hanya mengikuti sahaja method yang dibuat sesetengah orang ini.boleh dikira dengan sebelah tangan berapa ramai sahaja yang berani bangun dan mengocakkan normaliti itu yang dirasakan sudah terlalu selesa berada di tampuk teratas supaya penekanan baru diberikan atas kehendak hidup berkelompon yang lebih baik. well, all i can say is, it takes a lot to stand up against ur rivals, but it takes a lot more to stand up against ur friends.alhamdullilah..all well ends well :)



for my dearest friend,thanks for the courage, calmness, and STARBUCKS coffee..hehee really a treat to achieve solidarity.

"a friend's job is not to judge, not to pull you backwards and say u can't do it because of this and that, but a friend's job is to be there beside u, to help and guide u and even if u fall, they won't put u on the ground too long but help u back on ur feet"

until when?

my second semester started with me not liking it. not that i had problems with my last sem's result-they exceeded my expectation really! but the fact of going without those people whom u always hung up with in my first sem kinda bugs me off.i don't know how to react to that fact. shud i just pretend like nothing ever happens?but that would be too much work-pretending that TOO much never happened.

whatever.

now-i have developed this "what do i care" attitude, just so tha my head can get a lil' hangover. i mean,puff~~its okay to respect people and all, but if the same respect doesn't seen to rank in any of that people's standard, i would say just drop it. get serious. i would not be harping under your skirts just to get through my life.i don't have to do that.you just get this much of respect, or none at all.full stop.hahaa.

boy, wish things would be different.but now,(departing from my problem above), my attitude did teach me a lesson or two. for some reason, i have become less concious.i do things i wanted, the way i wanted without having to think what others might say to them.i wish i had it come to me earlier.this is certainly the kind of things that i want to have to make my then miserable life a hell lot better.i want to be bold-so go dark brown.nobody gives any nickel for it,or i'd be a rich gal.still, i won't push it.i'm perectly content to do what i want to do.

so,in the nerve of sounding 'respectful', here are the things i want to do:
- being able to walk down a foyer with my head high and without the fear of being inspected.
- being able to think that other people do like me but they just don' show it. if they don't,well, too bad.
- being able to defend without opening vulnerability.
- go auburn or burgandy hair streaked.
- go black nail polish
- go crazy as much as i wanted to

there.

so, if u want to do something today, don't wait until the coast is clear before u could set the sail off. sometimes, the tide might run your ship faster than u can think off.try to do it. try not to do it then. what about trying the "what do i care" attitude"? think about it.

Martin Luther King JR-"Intelligence plus caracter is the true education"

ridiculously consuming love

one part of my life-the love part, has actually gone haywire over the years. there were many downpours,which left a preety gruesome spot at first. then came the practical love,which i held on to for as long as i can replenish my disneyland fantasy kind of love. but that didn't work out, so i randonmly choose my opposite type whom im sure at that time we could work something through. when that didn't work out as well, i merely left my love-marathon and sit on the banks while others keep on their jogs. im not giving up, im just resting. and have a little of this..little of that. i have had my fun, so i guess i should give it a break. but what people always said is true, when u stop looking for it-it could come to you. and now, eventhough im not sure its the right love, the right moment or the right person,im happy that i have found what i wanted. not a disneyland fantasy kind of love. not a practical one either. but a ridiculously consuming one, an irresistible combination of the two in one small,fulfilling bowl soup :)

Mohamad Firdaus Hadzwan bin Mohd Noor Beg. i didn't know when it actually happen, but when it did-whamp!. we never knew each that well, just as far as we knew each other existed. LOL..he was my school senior, and we only ever communicate through friendster, which was very seldomn too. then i never heard a word from him, not until i started having my Yahoo Messenger account. then i remenbered that he once asked me to add him into my account-he said he wants to be the first one. i see no harm in honouring him, so i sent him my address. and that night, until as long as i can remember, we were chatting like a full-speed train ride. he would be the first one who pops me up. i would be the first one who dolls him over.

we had a game going on for a while, and we were very much close and open to each other. one day, when we were playing our "honest" game(we had it in a different name, but to reveal it here requires a lot of dignity) he told me that he could fall in love with me and asked me what i think about that. i was not shocked though, in fact, i thought he was just humouring me. then he got serious. i didn't think much at that time. to be honest, it was quite appealing to me that we were not wasting time there hahahahaa :) so i guess, why not?. after that, we exchanged phone numbers and started text-messaging. it was me who made the first phone call. u can say i was a tad too bold at that time. it was midnight-what a romance wack! strangely, i didn't goof around like i used to,pretending to take it slow or play hard to get. it was a casual,free and no-hide kind of talking. and boy did he made me laugh. we were on the phone for hours.

this has been going on for a month. when i got my offer to UM, our acquintance became more constant. then he said he wanted to come to see me. i wasn't prepared for that. ironically, my previous relationships never lasted long enough for any sort of dates. but since we never really had anything serious, i had nothing to freak out-yet. so we went on a date. i always thought a date would be daunting,especially if its the first one. but it felt so...normal. funnily enough, i didn't get all those ticklish and tremblish feelings. my feet was completely on the ground and i felt so peaceful. i didn't think that was love, but im perfectly sure he was the right one. i know he had it coming on him for a while-he's been dropping hints. then, because i figured it was pointless to wait anymore, a month being too short that i barely know him but i didn't really got around to consider that kind of thing anymore, i asked him my own 100 million dollars worth of a question.

"don't u want to ask me to be ur girlfriend?"

"i'm still choosing the right words and the right moment"

"ask me now, then"

he asked, i accepted. the rest was history. a long lasting piece of history chalked in mind. to me, it was never love. but i have loved him dearly and wholly as i never did to anyone. it was by far the most consuming love i ever had. it was realistic love. it was magic.

now that we have been seeing each other for 5 months, our chemistry had developed and i can say we have very much to serve in one plate. he is nothing like what i think he was. he had that much care and attention, and that much he showed to me. i guessed we both had had enough of sparkling love and was seeking for something more of a steel apart from diamonds. he had his goals, and i can see that his serious. serious enough to meet the people who meant the most to me and set a new space with him in the picture. serious enough to spill manly tears on a sulky me. serious enough to rush over even on a bus because i said i was alone. serious enough to treat me with small gifts. serious enough to let me bully him around. serious enough to never let me down.

if i had anything i can regret today, it would be not having all these experiences when i had met love for the first time. i guess i was too naive. i didn't get to treat anybody the way i did him. i didn't know how to, but i wasn't concerned of that. i guess i would regret even more if the first person whom i never put up this kind of smile, laughter,sweet talks and small sacrifices, wasn't him. i have loved to the point of madness that was not worth it but in him, i am still very much protectively mad in the head (he had to answer my phone calls every day as consequences though i think he kinds of like them). as ridiculously consuming as it sounds, we grew solid of each other.

when i found you, i found love. thank you amigas~