Nur Ariessa

masuk hari nie, dah due hari saye x online. baru now dapat masa+nafas+ruang+semangat untuk online. semuanya sebab Nur Ariessa. siapekah beliau?owh, akan berjela-jela lah post nie jawabnye if saye bercerita pasal ni...(please keep an open mind and don't be judgemental okay? these are one person's personal experience and take, that might differ to the rest of the world)

pre-Ari day

dalam dua bulan lepas, mak call saye (mase tu ade di UM) and ingat lagi mase tu tgh tidur sebelum nak turun dinner kat cafe.mak kate, mak setuju nak ambil sorang anak angkat.mak mintak persetujuan saye. saye tanye, adik-adik lain macam mane? from what i heard, dorang xkisah.x kisah ade byk stages kan? the good xkisah and the bad x kisah (more like to ignore dah kot). tp i suspect its the good x kisah.mule2 tu, saye macam, "what if along x bagi?," and then mak replied, "kalau macam tu, kitorang x ambil la," . mase tu, jujur sekali cakap, saye taknak sebab saye xready mental and fizikal untuk terima orang baru dalam famili, i mean, bukan dlm care macam nie. i know it's a noble thing to do, but its a one hell of a decision that might change my life forverer.tapi, disebabkan nak jage hati mak ( it's a known fact to me that mak and abah's dream of having a baby again, especially a boy.so i said yes, i'm okay with it. then, saye cakap2 dengan wani from time to time after that, and bunyi die macam okay dengan semua nie. daripada wani, saye belajar tentang asal-usul baby tu. maaf x boleh dicerita di sini atas kepentingan pihak-pihak tertentu.hmm..saye tak pernah berpeluang untuk bercakap dengan syanaz.then, bile saye balik rumah untuk cuti sem nie, the whole family practically avoided the issue.saye pernah timbulak sekali dua, tapi abah akan ubah topik. mak kate, abah xnak put hope sangat, sebab memang sebelum nie die pernah kena tipu pasal nak ambil anak angkat nie.and i notice sebenarnye wani pun agak doubt jugak. she wouldn't look into my eyes bile ditanye. and of course, it made me doubted even more.syanaz jauh sekali taw pasal semua nie, as she's been busy in school.saye ingatkan, as the first child, syanaz and wani akan depend dekat saye untuk bertegas and say no, sebab maybe diorang rase the burden is more on me. tapi sye try untuk x entertain thoughts seperti itu. we continue life as usual.the baby was said to due on 12.12.2009.there was a lot of time to rethink this matter, really.

18.11.2009, Ari's birthday

saye bangun solat subuh, then tengok mak and abah pergi kerja., then sambung tidur balik. wani decided to sleep with me malam sebelum tu.x sampai beberape jam, and i think mase tu pukul 9pagi, mak masuk bilik and kejutkan wani. mak kate, mak kena pergi hospital sebab ibu baby tu dah bersalin.mak pergi dengan abah dari UiTM Penang. mase mule2 tu ingatkan mimpi, yelah tengah mamai-mamai lagi kan.then later mase saye dengan wani dah bangun, abah call and suruh carikan name untuk baby. mase nie kitorang dah excited sikit-sikit sebab nak dapat baby, tambah-tambah lagi doktor bagitau dulu dapat baby boy.family dengan anak and adik perempuan mane yang tak teruja dengar kan =]jadi, kitorang pun bagi la name yang dah dipilih.x lame lepas tu, mak pulak call. mak kate, "along, its a girl..xleh2, cari name girl,"aiyaaaaaaaaaaaak! panic panic. nme perempuan susah owh nak pilih..nak nak pulak yang ritma same dengan name kitorang, memang limited, and kalau ade pun, name macam kawan sendiri (haha no offence guys!)

"along2, letak Damia laa..,"
"xbleh, nanti die kena ejek dgn kawan-kawan die, damn...damn...,"

"along2, letak Ain laa...,"
"xbleh, nanti mesti name die yang mula2 ditulis dalam senarai kelas (sbb starting huruf A), kalau nanti cikgu bagi die soalan mule-mule and die xtaw jawab macam mane?,"


kahkah saye taw alasan memang x bleh pakai semua kan?


bile dah bagi name sedap2, rase2 macam xde maksud pulak.kena lah pulak bukak internet and search name and maksud-maksud yang ade. mule2, saye dan wani dah dapat persetujuan nak letak name Arisyah, tp maksud xde pulak..yang paling hampir is Arissa (seorang yang kuat dan berazam). okay, set la name Nur Arissa.


tbe2 mak kaet lagi sedap name Qalesya.erk..macam mane nie, tp suruh orang yang carikan name.hm, tp, disebabkan name Qalesya tu xde dlm senarai makna dalam internet nie, kitorg x berani la nak letak.so, Arissa la nme baby tu =]
tapi, hari nie mase abah pergi daftarkan name baby kat Jabatan Pendaftaran Negara, it became, NUR ARIESSA.ye, ade huruf E di situ.heheh.and abah went, "oh, xde ek huruf E tu? abah ingatkan ade.haha, xpelah, moden sikit,".so, itulah name baby, yang dipanggil sebagai baby Ari ye tuan-tuan dan puan-puan=]



mak cerite, mase kat hospital tu pun ade mayhem sekejap. sebab mak and abah xtaw nak buat ape. then doktor kate kat abah, encik dah ambil wudhu'? err..nak buat ape?laaaa...kan kena qamatkan baby.hahahaa lupe sebentar dah 15 tahun xde baby macam nie la jadinye.

post-Ari day, satu hari selepas shj.

saye sangat nervous untuk jumpe dengan baby tu hari nie, sebab saye tau yang kitorang dah boleh bawak balik die hari nie.i actually woke up around 8.30am, when i know i'm not going to the hospital until 3pm, sebab mak still kena jage budak exam STPM hari nie.saye siap2 kan barang-barang baby yang dibeli semalam.hehee..cerite beli barang baby pun lawak. 1st time kot beli brg2 tu semua. nasib baik ade dis big store dekat2 rumah yang memang jual barang2 baby saje.saye and wani excited skit la tgk baju2 comel and toys yg ade kat situ.sebabkan baby tu dijangka due lagi sebulan, jadi memang persediaan x buat lagi.tp alhamdulillah, semua dapat diselesaikan.pukul 3 pm tu, wani balik sekolah and kitorang gerak dari rumah ke UiTM dulu untuk ambil abah.pergi 2 kereta susah, jd bawak satu shj je.dlm perjalanan tu, saye taw yang saye kena set things straight. lumrah org timur, tambah2 org melayu, memang susah nak dngr bercerita heart-to-heart dgn keluarga msg2.tmbh2 pasal hal2 keluarga macam nie.tp saye tanak, nanti bile da dapat baby tu dalam tangan, and semua org still confuse dgn keputusan msg2.so saye beranikan diri tanye.

"mak, mak rase ape bile tgk baby tu? mak sedih tak xdpt boy?,"
"mak x sedey, mak xrase ape2..mak risau sebab mak x rase ape2..,"
"mak betul ke nak ambil baby ni?,"
"kite niat nak tolong org..mak takkan halang kalau ibu baby tu nak ambil die balik, mak akan bagi. mak akan bagi die jumpe dgn anak die even,"
"mak, betul mak x rase ape2 tgk baby tu?,"


wah, gile cepumas kan soalan saye? tapi, if x ditanye, saye xkan taw ape yang org lain dlm famili nie tgh pikir.and saye bukan bertanye sebab cemburu or what, sebab bg saye, dlm umur saye yg dah cecah 20 nie, saye dah x bergantung sangat pada keluarga, and tak timbul soal pilih kasih ke ape. saye dah besar, dah matang. cume saye nak taw betul ke semua org ikhlas or masih not sure, sebab as a family, the baby akan affect kitorg jugak.bg part saye, saye xterlalu risaukan saye sebagai seorang anak dlm famili tu, tapi saye sebagai seorang kakak pada baby tu nanti.hmm..sampai satu tahap, mak xtaw nak jawab ape.


"along, mak siyesly x rase ape..mule2 dulu excited, kejap2 x jugak..along, mak takut mak xdpt sayang baby tu,"
haaaaaaaaaaaaaa xterkejut saye dgr semua tu?that's exactly how i feel, tp too afraid utk gtaw mak.yelah, selama nie saye ingatkan yg mak org paling happy.saye try to act calm."xpela mak..kite doa banyak2 ye, mesti susah mule2..kite doa byk2 supaya Allah mudahkan hidup kite dgn baby tu lepas nie.hmm...tapi betul ke mak x rase ape?sikit pun x?,"saye x puas hati sebenarnye sebab xkan xrase ape2 kot.


"hmm, kalau along nak mak bandingkan dengan mase 1st time mak tgk along, syanaz and wani lahir kat dunia ni, mmg jauh sangat sangat sangat la perasaan tu..kamu semua anak-anak mak, darah daging mak dan abah.mak x payah belajar untuk sayang atau terima kamu.tp dgn baby nie lain, kite kne kuat dgn die.niat kte nak tolong die.rase kat baby tu ade, tp xsekuat macam mane mak rase kat kamu bertiga,"



waaaaaahhhh..mase tu jugak rase nak mentik air mate dengar. pengakuan yang paling honest.saye bukan bangga sebab mak sayang kitorang lebih or what, tu bukan reassurance yg saye nak, like i've told you.tp i felt so moved dgn kasih sayang seorang mak kepada anak-anak nya, kasih sayang someone yang bergelar ibu, yang x terbanding dgn ape pun and masih ade ruang dlm hati die untuk sayang and terima orang lain macam mane anak die sendiri.sebab ape?sebab she's a mother, and a mother can do it.wani pun x byk bercakap, saye tataw ape yg die pikir.die x suke bile saye usik die bukan anak last lagi. i think she's still battling with her feelings, which all to me now, is the same one. we know we have to do it, not just because we wanted too (ye, kami mahukan baby tu sebenarnye), and we know it's the right thing to do and we'll be granted and all, but there's still that part of you that has doubts. i dunno how else to express it.i mean, with your sisters, if you ignored them, they'll still stick around and deep inside everyfight, you know she's still your sister and you love her. but with someone else who's not, the questionis, can that kind of arrangement be made?will everything be equal?"mak takut mak tak bleh sayang die,".i'm sorry if some of you disagree.i know that for some people,love and acceptance comes naturally, but with others, you got to make choices. and more choose to have it and deal with it later the best they can.we're just that type of people.



sesampainya kat hospital tu, baby tu dah pun ade kat depan receptionist, dlm satu cart baby. 1st time tgk die,rambut dah lebat, putih sangat.wani dah, "wah, along..besar nie cantik nie,"heheee at least die buat lawak disitu.lepas kitorg ambil ibu baby tu and baby tu keluar hospital, kitorang pergi dulu kat Pejabat Pesuruhjaya Sumpah Batu Maung, untuk register baby tu as adopted untuk kitorang.that was a very emotional situation for me, the mother signed everything swiftly, and i was like, "you're going to give up your own child..,"but i know she had no choice but to do so. and last, kitorang hantar die kat depan apartment die, where abah said yang die akan jage baby nie sebaik mungkin, and die x kisah if nak mintak berjumpe dengan baby tu.mak bagi duit sikit untuk ibu baby tu, so that die boleh beli ubat and stuffs.bile mak tanye, nak pegang cium baby dulu x, die jawab xnak, sebab semalam die dah jage lame kat hospital. i don't know whether she was lying to herself to make us feel better, or lying to us to make herself feel better, or, she just doesn't feel anything at all (which i seriously doubt), but it didn't drown on us any easier either ways. die bukak pintu kereta, tutup balik, keluar and lintas jalan ke rumah die.just about then, the baby started crying... i turned and played with my handphone with red eyes.


half the journey, mak yang pegang baby tu and susukan die. bile dah sampai kat UiTM and abah ambil kereta die, i drove home with mak.this time, i held the baby.she was such a sport.tidur je sepanjang jalan, lepas dah pujuk2 die tadi.tapi balik2 tumah, die terus nangis, hehee terkejut tengok rumah baru lepas pening naik due kereta, kate wani.kitorang letak die kat matress baby yg dah dibeli, saye, mak, abah and wani duduk keliling die and we laugh because we have no clue what to do. pastu bukak2 pampers ler...beyak rupenye baby nie.okay, kelam kabut skit scene nie.abah kate,"pegang kepala die dulu, kepale die dulu..,"mak pulak kecoh2 cari baby wipes. wani try nak pasang pampers and saye try untuk tukar matress kat bawah die dengan rug yang memang khas untuk salin diapers.and baby?nangis je..hehee =] tengah2 nak pujuk die, ttbe air mate saye menitik lagi sekali. i was thinking, here she was, crying because of wet diapers, and the one's changing them is not her own mother, but four, very disoriented people.would she have mind?


td dah due kali die minum susu, and now tgh tidur kat bawah dgn mak. i really want to know what everybody is thinking and feeling right now. hahaa, ye, saye nie tak habis2 lagi kan dgn soulsearching?mase mule2 saye dodoikan baby untuk tidur, wani turun dari bilik and i ask her kalu2 die nak pegangn baby, die kate die xnak and terus blah pergi dapur.sedih jugak rase, but i couldn't blame her.mase volunteer nak keluar beli food pun, die yang keluar and we stayed with the baby.hmm..mase saye tulis blog nie, die dah tidur dalam bilik. dah 2x saye turun bawah to check on the baby while writing this blog even mak ade kat bawah.the second time i went, i saw wani kat baby tu. i was like, bile mase die turun x perasan pun.saye buat xtaw jelah and pergi duduk sebelah mak kejap.wani cakap,"mak, boleh x wani cium baby?bye2 Ari," die kiss kat due2 belah pipi baby tu. i was so touched, but dah penat la nak nanges kali ketige.=] and just like that, it doesn't matter to me anymore wht everyone was feeling, cuz i knew it.

Nur Ariessa, hye, selamat datang ke keluarga kami yang bahagia nie. along gembira Ari lahir and masuk jadi sebahagian dari keluarga nie.along harap, Ari jadi anak yang solehah dan berjaya satu hari nanti. Ari jangan risau, the 1st day Ari dah boleh cakap nanti, along akan ajar Ari bace and tulis.along nak ajar ari cakap bahasa Inggeris, along nak Ari pandai bace surat khabar bile umur Ari dah 4thn nanti macam budak yang pandai dulu tu.bile Ari dh bersedia and pham everything, along akan bg Ari bace post kat blog nie.but in the meantime,i want your future to be so bright that it blinds your eyes hehee=]buat mase nie, kitorang semua dalam proses belajar nak menerima dan memahami Ari.tp Ari jgn risau, along janji x lame, sebab sebenarnye deep down semua orang sayangkan Ari.bile orang tanye lagi, berape adik beradik along, along akan jawab sekarang, ade 4 orang semuanya, and semuanya perempuan.along bangga sangat. cepat membesar ye Ari..=)

p/s: pictures akan diupload nanti, bile saye dah jumpe mane cable saye, or bile wani dah bangun untuk pinjam kan cable dari die esok pagi. sorry guys!