Four-ever

KLCC Park, 2011

I don't wanna forget the present is gift. And I don't wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me. Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed.

Alicia Keys, Like You'll Never See Me Again.

Japanese Park, Ipoh, 2011

On that riverbank there was no music to hear. I pulled you in close and whispered in your ear "I think I know a tune you'll like". So I hummed something soft and sweet, the stars came out as we moved our feet.

Ron Pope, Our Song

His Graduation, 2011

Every time I turn around, I think I've got it all figured out. My heart's keep calling and I keep on falling, over and over again.

Kelly Clarkson, The Trouble With Love Is

Cameron Highland road trip, 2009

Cause even the stars they burn, some even fall to the earth. We've got a lot to learn, God knows we're worth it. I don't want to be someone who walks away so easily I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make.

Jason Mraz, I Won't Give Up 

 

Port Dickson road trip, 2010.

The first time in my life and now it's so clear. Feel calm, I belong, I'm so happy here. It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere. I wouldn't change a thing about it. This is the best feeling.

Avril Lavigne, Innocence

"honestly, you're overreacting!,"

Recently an old friend whom I haven't met in 5 years made a remark that my skin looks somewhat darker than it used to be, well, 5 years ago. To go a limb in the blonde's book, I must admit that I was quite hurt (but of course I got over it quickly. there was a lot more stories to share than the color of my complexion-obviously that was not the center of attention in any reunion LOL)

Well, let's just face it. 5 years ago I was still in my teen years, obliged by the 3 step skincare routine, had a much freer life, acne free and of course, fairer. Now I am well into the middle of the 20s, having gone on and off on the routine depending on the mood, dealt with stressful occasions that led to pimple spots, wore more makeup, all of which results to my skin surrendering to pigmentation.

Since then, I decided to wear less makeup. Well not really- I've been cutting out on makeup for quite some time ever since I switched to BB creams. The next few items you'll about to see are some which I wear on minimal account if I ever needed to.

Sephora Fond De Teint Couvrant Perfecteur in #25 Medium Beige

I bought this, I would say, about 3 months ago when I needed something to wear for an event that was going on at my school at that time. I wanted some good quality high end basic foundation that would do the trick ie cover my old pimple spots. I don't always break out as a rule thanks to my normal to dry skin but when I do, it leaves old spots that are just as hard to cover up as freckles do. So I went to Sephora and the lady there matched me with several Sephora foundations - they have an impressive range - and I found myself drawn to this one. It was light weight so I need not worry about future pimple's visitation LOL but it is definitely a full coverage type of foundation.

Yep, old habits die hard. No remarks from old friend or foe is going to make me change my liking towards full coverage foundation.

This little beauty costs RM65. I was quite happy I paid drugstore prices for something high end. Would definitely repurchase this one if I didn't like anything else in the meantime.

Garnier Skin Naturals Light BB Moisturizer

This one here is, without a doubt, a BB cream at its core. Now, I have mentioned before that I love the Super + Beblesh Balm and I'm still using it but recently, the pump got a little screwed up and it was getting annoying to get the products out. My mother used this Garnier BB Cream as a back up for her foundation and I have taken just a little tiny weeny bit use out of it too. This one here has the same texture as a tinted moisturizer and not as thick a formula compared to the Super +. The later has a bit of a grey tinge color to it that I was told was not everyone's favorite and it takes quite some time to blend in the skin. Garnier however, I have noticed was not too harsh and probably a bit easy. I don't know if it's really a BB Cream standard in comparison to the ones originated from Korea or Japan but as long as it does the trick of having light makeup thus reducing unwanted comments from pals then I'm all for it.

Elianto Forever Duo Lip in #1 and #2

The pale face effect after slathering foundation and BB cream is balanced by this little baby over here that I got a while ago. I'm not sure if they still have this in store -pretty sure there aren't- but regardless, I haven't had much use out of it either. It's chilly red and I have only ever uses it for blogposts and things similar. I would never be caught dead wearing this in public!


Ever!



But then again, I think I just might :)

how blue you do?

"Lalu 365 Hari berlalu, cinta itu tak pergi, hilang atau berganti"

It was my birthday not two days ago. I never paid any extra attention to my birthdays anymore, the only bearing that the date 17/7 has on my year is simply that, I turned a year older. But that doesn't mean that to me, it is any less significant. I woke up two days ago, feeling grateful as ever to God for the opportunity to live and amend my living in the coming years. I woke up, not expecting presents, but only warm wishes from friends and family whom until this day, I have not forgotten to wish the same thing back.

To risk speaking in vain, I must say, I am quite fortunate. I don't have resolutions to make on my birthday, hence less expectation on myself. I keep myself to simple goals everyday- to be understanding, to be loving, to be patient. I set myself out to be practical in every possible way, most importantly, in love and friendship. I understand now that as one grows older, one must make choices. To hold it in or to let it out. To forgive and forget or to still hold grudges. To change or to stay the same. To live in the present awaiting the future or to hold the present 'hostage' for any redemption from the past. All is the same. One CHOOSES.

Thank you God, for above everything else, you keep my heart firm and grounded.

I received a pleasant surprise from a friend of mine in Indonesia, who happens to be a writer. I cannot remember exactly how we got to know each other- only I know she did the first move. It was a facebook friendship that soon turned into late night BBM texting. I have a couple of Indonesian friends and vice versa, so we weren't speaking hens and ducks all the time. When I knew her, she just got out from a really bad break up. Tragic. The kind of relationship and break ups that you know if Karan Johar got a hold of her story, he can make millions. I kept trying to get her to tell me her story but I was either a very bad persuader or she just had her head straight on not telling. Well, it turns out to be neither. She was just waiting to tell her story. Not to me. But to the everyone. In a book.

Not everyone can pull an Adele. It takes more than guts to spill everything out of your chest for the whole community to see. I don't know how she does it, but she did. Needless to say, I was thrilled to find this in my mailbox today, like I said, two days after my birthday. I am glad that I was fated to know someone as wonderful as her. Someone who chooses like I choose.

I was strongly reminded at this moment of a phrase that Wardina Saffiyah used in "Ini Kisahku" and between these two paragraphs, I add as an afterthought;

"Bila kita bercadang atau berniat untuk lakukan perubahan, Tuhan akan hantar orang yang baik-baik, yang sesuai dengan perubahan yang kita nak buat,"

Oh did I mention her name? What rudeness, my apologies. Her name is Ratna Ayu Pratiwie, also known as Nana. And as far as her book goes, she went rogue. She didn't cower behind anonymous nicknames.

Let me share a bit of the excerpt of this book..

     Semua orang yang pernah jatuh cinta pasti pernah patah hati. Tapi berteman dengan rasa sakit itu setiap harinya dan masih bisa tertawa adalah satu anugerah dan sikap yang luar biasa. Dan hidup tidak melulu tentang pasangan dan pacaran. Buktinya sudah setahun ini aku masih betah dengan kesendirian selepas kepergiannya. Bahkan entah kenapa semua ini seolah-olah benar-benar aku nikmati karena apapun tentangnya yang belum bisa pergi di hatiku. Lalu 365 hari berlalu. Cinta itu tak pergi, hilang ataupun berganti. Masih disitu, di tempat dia berada sebelumnya. Dan kepada orang yang sama.

-Ratna Ayu, 365 Hari

I heard from her that this book, though it is no Twilight, makes its own significant success in Indonesia. It has its own book launching and signing session. My friend Nana made a considerable mark in her pocket as well as her healing heart. I was tempted to finish this as soon as possible but this is as good a read as the Anne Frank Diary. It's short, but you need to savour every page because it is part of history. This is her (Nana) history. I'm going to take a leaf out of Anne Frank's and put it into this book.

Makasii banyak buat hadiahnya ini pada ulangtahunku, Na. Aku beruntung punya teman kayak kamu. Semoga sukses selalu. 

Make good choices.

past midnight jot

crushed entertwined,
what I sought,
what I heard,
you were no more than reality and fantasy combined.

true.

I was once a lover of love,
a lover even in the heart of stones,
in every line and every curve,
most of all,
even when you least deserve.

what is it, you ask,
what is darkness when it's pitch black,
what is sorrow when you're always sad,
what is forever when you can't be dead,
just here, be here,
never moving, never changing.

alas.

you're with me, diverted.

maybe in Time when you're a blur,
a fiction of even I can't be sure,
a lonely thread from the circle of my desire,
maybe only then,
I can say clearly, unchaste,
I am here, always,
but you belong to my past.

I say "Oh, it's gonna be a good life, a good good life!"

You can expect that though I'm the first to rave about this, I'm also likely to be the last to blog about this. And life doesn't get any beautiful than that.

So behold.

I didn't do much/have much to do (depends on how you put it) now that I'm only short of 4+ months of studying here in University Malaya. Except for of course, studying, I decided to go a little daredevil and joined this little cute production of this little cute college- the theater production. Apart from the fact that I love the idea of art and acting myself, I also figured that as someone as old as I am, I've got nothing to lose.

Well, except if you count the past three years that I've spent not joining anything art-filling and finally pulled the guts to do it in my final year, then..

The same old repetitive story that I've been playing in my mind: went for the audition-got selected-script came out-skim through the pages but a single female line was not found-they want male actors only-figuring what else can I offer-decided to stay as a makeup crew.

It wasn't so bad. I told myself that as much as I love acting, I would gladly settle for anything less than that if it so requires. Being in Mock Trial for the past four years (the only stage act that I did) taught me that.. who am I kidding? I love performing, that much is true. I would never bring myself to quit it. As I said, the only exception to my feelings that I harbor is that I waited this long to be a part of something so...beautiful.

"macam mana perasaan first time masuk? seronok?," -elloanwarmansur

It was beyond seronok, I must say. Anyway, onto the integral part of this long winded and soon picture loaded post.
The story of the theater was about this group of 5 people who have been on battle for a while with a last shot of escape in the form of one of them agreeing to be a suicide bomber. The story was called BERANI MATI, script written by Mr Fasyali who also help directed the theater this time.

And because the other thing that I love apart from acting/being in a performance is undeniably, makeup..I shall bore your eyes out on my job scope as one of ze makeup crew, along with 2 other beautiful ladies.

We did some makeup hunting to look for colors appropriate for stage makeup, but the director wanted the looks on the actors to be nude, "filthy" and "smudgy" lookings. Think car mechanic's style. I ended up using most of my own makeups and bought only the essential makeup tools.

First of when you're not sure yourself of the kind of makeup that you're about to make, try and understand the characters' role. Asked the director and the actors on the type of makeup that they want. I remembered my days in Mock Trial when I demanded this and that from the ever patient makeup crew (believe me, I'm tasting my own medicine now). I realized how hard it was to actually do someone else's makeup, let alone makeup on boys! So first off, I need a model to test out the makeup that I'm going to use. I definitely didn't want to have fidgety fingers if the first time I get to apply makeup on the actors was when the show is about to start!

The very kind volunteer who didn't know what he's getting into when I asked to do makeup test on him.

Terima kasih, Halim ;D

On the day of the show itself, the makeup turned out pretty good on the actors.

Farid "playing around" with the bombs attached to a jacket

Farid (right) and Pian (left). I like Pian's fake mustache and beard, courtesy of black kajal liner and some black eyeshadow all over. Thanks to my ever awesome makeup crew, I failed with this on first try. And on Farid, we placed some black "celoreng".

Lipan, the total klutz soldier who was so good in his role, he won the Anugerah Pelakon Pembantu Lelaki Terbaik!

Razak, the main actor who was nominated for Anugerah Pelakon Lelaki Terbaik. His "jambang" was made out of tea seeds!

Lipan (left) and Razak (right)

The bomb makers. Pian and Azhar. Azhar's hollow cheeks was out of much much much shading.

Azhar and Lipan. It was so tough applying makeup on Azhar. He can't stand kajal eyeliner on his waterline and tightline that I have to literally have someone hold his head up so I could fill the liners in. LOL ;D Glad that the uneasiness he felt in his eyes didn't show up in his acting- he was nominated for Anugerah Pelakon Lelaki Harapan.

The night of the show was a blast. Every five of them did their very best. Apart from the nominations mentioned above, we were also nominated for Anugerah Props Terbaik, Anugerah Skrip Terbaik, Anugerah Pengarah Terbaik, Anugerah Tatarias dan Busana Terbaik ( :D ). We were just estatic to be nominated and when the winner's name was called up one nomination after another, we realized that all we have to be proud of was the award that goes to Lipan.
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Until they announced the 1st runner up winner, and our name was called..we went ballistic.

Shooo proud of my team! My heart went out for them, and I truly feel some bond of just more than teammates surrounding- we have turned to friendship. Very, very bittersweet I tell you. Had we win or had we lose, I love them all the same with my whole heart. When it all ended, today and now, I was bumped into thinking that I have to force myself to turn back to my studies and the beloved faculty. Although I joined in late and God knows how much I regret that now, I'm still grateful to have this opportunity nevertheless. Better late than never right?


Thank you to the directors, scriptwriter, casts and crews (makeup team, costume team, lighting team, props team, stage manager), of which without all of these lovely people, I wouldn't carry around this bliss of utter happiness and satisfaction inside my head, heart and even in my stomach!

Nailed :'D Bai Semua!

p/s: just sharing with you some of the team's other thoughts here and here.